Axl Rose, you are my bitch

You know it, baby. And I know it hurts. You've crossed my mind over the years as we struggled with our own Chinese Democracy, as it went from eagerly anticipated to wishful hoax to mostly forgotten. I understand the pressure, the self-doubt, the personal demons - rock n roll ain't beanbag, eh? But dude, you've got bijillions of dollars, talented minions at your beck and call... why can't you get it done? I'll tell you why: you have no vision. How could you ever find your album when you were lost on day one?

That's why our record is done and yours is not. I've had a vision for this album from the beginning, the delays mostly boil down to execution and lack of money. You've got cornrows and endless tapes of wandering suck.

Seriously, though, I know the answer to your problem. All you've got to do is pick the dozen best tunes you've come up with, record them live to 2 track in a room with good acoustics, done. After all the drama, an honest rock and roll album is probably the last thing anyone expects from you. Don't worry about the videos, only ass-kissers do that shit. You can do whatever you want... so why don't you? Until then, this nowhere rock band PWNS you, and you are my bitch.

I always thought "Patience" was a good tune of yours. Especially when hearing it on the jukebox at Sindy's in a pre-gentrified Tremont back in Cleveland. That's gone now, right? It was at Fairfield and W. 11th street, SE corner. Hospital green interior. I picture hilljack girls swaying at the box, inevitably punching up some Bad Company to follow-up the GnR, maybe one of the Greeks coming up and following it with some of their homegrown bouzouki sides. I really knew times were changing when Beck and Nirvana not only appeared on the juke but were embraced by some of the regulars. That was kind of sad.